the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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