my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
We don't watch enough power rangers
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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