hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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