he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
