Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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