I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
