Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
