apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
