I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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