In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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