Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
