you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
