I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
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