My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize