I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
