Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
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