yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
