Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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