When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
