she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
my being single is dangerous.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
All I want is dick and wine.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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