I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
