so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
