i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
