WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Randomize
