My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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