In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize