cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
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