I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
