he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
