I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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