Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize