Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
