i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
