My hand turned me down
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
