I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
