Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I just found puke in my bra..
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
