I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
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