how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
