I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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