Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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