No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
