4 words: hood of his car
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
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