I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
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