yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
