She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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