Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
