Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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