high people should be assigned attendants
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
