I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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