I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
