Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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