He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
