I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
