i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
