I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize