why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
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