Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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