I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
