I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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