Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
