the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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