so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
