just come out here and I will go home with you...
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
