Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
