I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
