her vagina looked like bernie madoff
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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