That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
