I feel like I'm in dance class right now
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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