Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
