Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
