he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
