im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
