Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
