I'm laying in your front yard are you home
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
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