Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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