Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
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