shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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