guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
