sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
